in praise of the ideal man

they do exist!

When I consider the dating climate and my future husband, I am saddened, enraged, devastated (I could go on, LOL). And I don’t see the line of progression.

I’d like to connect the dots from the men I see in my day to day (either in person or online) and the ideal man I envision for my future. What dream’s are made of.

What’s worse is I am often enthralled with a story from one of students who had a bad break up with a guy she gave her all to. I guess the games don’t change when boys grow up.

In all the noise, I have to fight for hope. Which I’ve seen small glimpses of.

I see it in the IG stories of black women I follow. Their accomplishments and pages of accolades don’t scare men away. They are happy, expecting baby boys with the same image and full names as their husbands. They have found their person, their destiny partner, their place of exhale.

I see hope in the marriages of loved ones. My uncles who extol their wives with glory and honor. They are faithful, dependent and in love.

I see hope in the wives I call friends. They love their families well and their husbands better. It’s their husbands who amaze me, though. They love with great effort. They forgive quickly and offer correction with peace as the end result. They have a certain staying power many men don’t possess. Their children honor them, and their community speaks well of their character and integrity.

These men, black men, deserve praise. They possess all attributes I’d love to see in my future husband.

I hope the same for my friends who are single and waiting, especially the ones who’ve given up on the whole marriage thing. Their dreams of a committed, healthy relationship now simply wishful thinking. The idea of compromising or just settling for someone because they’ve grown sick of being alone, becomes more appealing over time.

And I totally understand this perspective. In my 20s, it was cute being a virgin