Friends, I know being abstinent isn’t easy. We naturally have the desire to share love and affection with a person, and that is not something to be ashamed of!
Being that I’ve dodged having s ex (with every man who isn’t my husband) for the last 29 years, I think I can share a few tips about it.
The trick is to maintain your purity and show your boo you love them in more authentic (godly) ways than having s ex.
For the record, I had to consult wisdom and a few married friends to come up with this list. The goal is not to indulge in any physical activities too much so that it leads to a whole situation (IYKYK!).
Above all, use caution with these AND consult your partner to discover what their specific likes and dislikes are (e.g. love language) so that you are filling up their love tanks appropriately.
For example, you may not want to buy your significant other flowers if they don’t like them or you may steer clear of quality time if your significant other prefers acts of service.
Showing affection is necessary for any kind of relationship to flourish, not only romantically. When I think of relationships I have with my friends and family I’m sure some of the items in this list will fit.
That being said, first up is…
compliments
Telling your spouse they look beautiful or smell nice or are talented etc., is a huge ego booster and can make them feel wanted/ desired by you. When I think of someone giving me a compliment on my hair or a new pair of shoes or smile (have y’all seen my smile, lately? It lights up an entire room), I think I’m da baddest, like Trina (excuse my hood references, LOL). But, fr, it’s so easy to do and it costs nothing.
holding hands
Use caution. Seriously though, holding hands is a subtle but effective form of showing affection. It may sound elementary but it is a special kind of bond that holding hands yields. I’ve held hands with one of “friends” (idk what to call him, honestly) and it was so cute. It didn’t feel strange and I felt we were drawn closer because of it.
cook a meal
A home-cooked meal requires care and attention much like a healthy relationship. I love cooking and I’m sure I’ll have to come up with some new dishes for my man to like being that I’m almost vegan (but he might be one, too, so I’m good).
send a handwritten card or letter
Much like #3, sending a card or letter with a message to your significant other that is from the heart, takes care and attention. It tells them that I’ve been thinking of you. I’m a writer by design so this is uber important to me. I’d take a hand written card over a generic hallmark saying any day.
give gifts
Same as #4, giving a gift tells someone you have been thinking of them. It also takes time to be a good gift giver. You have to learn the person and remember their particular interests. If this is not your area of expertise then simply ask them what is your ideal gift or if you could do anything for an entire day what would it be. And then deliver.
dance together
This is just plain fun. Dancing together is so genuine, and the goofier the better. There are, literally, no rules to dancing (and I don’t mean the extra sensual kind). Think a slow dance or a line dance with old school or new school music, rock bands or boy bands, etc. The skies the limit.
listen to each other
I’m a sucker for a great conversation.
I can get lost in words and often paint pictures of them while someone is talking. This may be the writer in me or simply a gift, but I love it. Listening to someone shows that you actually care about their thoughts. And don’t just listen to respond, but listen to understand AND ask clarifying questions before jumping to conclusions.
play a card game
This could go wrong because I’m from the hood, y’all. A simple game of Go Fish or Uno can turn into fight night real quick. I’m kind of competitive (a lot of bit) so I play to win. If you’re like me then I don’t know what to tell ya, chile, LOL.
But, nah, playing a card game forces you to learn each other, get in the other person’s head, figure out how they think and react. You can connect with your spouse on a different level, plus it’s loads of fun and a cute date night idea.
try something new
I’m quite adventurous (I’m discovering). I love to travel, try new restaurants, talk to people from various cultures, hiking, sky diving, you name it. Sharing a new experience with a significant other can bring you both closer. But, I will say to do this when you are sure he or she is worth sharing your time with because if it ends bad, then you will be stuck with memories you no longer want and/or avoiding certain areas/ things you’d otherwise enjoy.
use a new cologne or parfum
This will activate your senses. I love me a good smelling black man. It shows that he is well groomed and not just for someone else but because he cares about himself. When it relates to a relationship, adding a new a cologne or parfum can be a game changer. What’s more, purchasing your significant other a new scent to try can also show them that you care about the way they smell around you.
I hope this helps! While the list is not exhaustive, it is a great starting point to showing affection in a relationship without the nagging twinge of regret in the morning (IYKYK).
Keep being honest,
Shanisha.